Finally...the Boston Race Report

It's been a few weeks and for that I apologize.  As I'm sure you all know, life doesn't slow down after a big event or even enough to let you wade in its glory.  That being said, I will fill you all in on my Boston experience, good, bad and ugly.

The day itself was preceded by many days of fretting, planning and worrying about the logistics of how and when I could get myself to the start and what to do about the projected heat and many warnings put out by the BAA. Heat forces Boston Marathon runners to adjust

 Once that was figured out, I could focus on the race itself.  My plan was to spend the night at a friend's house about 20 min from Hopkinton (otherwise known as... the start).  That worked out well actually, and with the guidance of a wised runner,, we knew just where to go for an easy drop off.  The shuttle took me and a busload of other runners, over to Athlete's Village.  What a sight!  I've never seen so many runners in one spot!  Music and announcements blaring, people everywhere and choppers flying overhead.  Not to mention this was the day people dream about in New England.. 80 degrees or above and sunny.  Shade was hard to find in the Village but I found some and managed to stay cool until the announcement of my wave.  Once that happened, all bets were off.  As a throng of runners made their way out of Athlete's Village toward the buses to check our gear and then the corrals at the start, the sweating began.  It was hot.  After finding my bus and checking my gear, I palled around with some other runners from Maine as we made our way to the start.  Corrals?  Nope, whatever was going on, things must have gotten behind so as we all made our way to the corral area and start line, the announcer was telling us to just go, don't stop, time to RUN!

Off we went. OH CRAP!  Now, an important part of Boston is knowing the first half is downhill.  It was not the easiest thing to do but I held back enough for the first half so I didn't blow up the second half.  Some of the time I felt the downhill, sometimes I did not.  What I did know, is that due to the lack of downtime at the start (which was a major bummer for many) I did not get my final pee.  I realized as I ran that I had to pee but thought the weather was extreme enough that I wouldn't have to pee for long.  Totally wrong there.  Since the weather was so hot, residents were outside with hoses, the fire dept opened a few hydrants and people were throwing water left and right.  Needless to say, the hoses and hydrants, in addition to the water I was dumping on my head every mile made me a wet soppy mess.  Given the amount of water being thrown at me...I decided instead of stopping to pee at a portapotty, I would pee while running!  Ahhh...seems so simple doesn't it?  Nope wasn't happening.  By mile 13 I figured I'd just find a porta potty and get it over with.  I wasted a whole 2 minutes waiting for that thing!!!! What the hell are people DOING in there anyway??? Hello...there's a race going on... get the fuck out and let me have my turn!

Sweet blessed relief!  Now that I was a bit re-energized and not to mention slightly lighter, I was ready to continue.  Now mind you...I am terrible with geography and never bothered to really study a map of the course.  I knew it in general but couldn't tell you which miles were in which towns.  I busied myself by looking at signs, trying to figure out where I was.  I knew there were famous spots on the course that I was looking forward to experiencing but couldn't for the life of me, remember where they were!  As I ran along, I listened to others' conversations and stuck to my race plan which was working wonderfully.  Gatorade for my mouth at each water station and 1 to 2 cups of water on my head each station.  This was working well so far, I was definitely ready for more drink at each mile but the combo of drinking and dumping was working to keep me cool enough to last until the next station.  The hoses and things were great overall, I would never complain.  I do have to point out however that as a runner, I really prefer the rain setting on the hose valve or maybe the mist setting.  Not so much the fire hose setting.  Especially when it catches you on the side of the face.  That's a bit extreme and almost enough to blow my sunglasses off.  I appreciate the gesture really... just careful where you aim that thing. 

Ok, back to the town thing because I actually have a point.  I ran past the sign "Welcome to the Town of Wellesley".  For those of you not familiar with what that means, it's a place runners look forward to.  A half mile of screaming female students from Wellesley College with signs that would make their mothers proud (or blush).  Every variation of "Kiss me I'm ____(insert anything you can imagine, I saw them all)".  Some of the ones that stand out for me, "Kiss me I'm a lesbian", "Kiss me I'll be a virgin for you", "Kiss me so I don't have to kiss him (arrow pointing to some random dude)", "Kiss me you'll run faster", oh and "Kiss me I'm Canadian".  I poke fun, but running down what is affectionately known as the 'scream tunnel', is a whole lotta fun!  No, I didnt' kiss anyone although the "Kiss me, guys need it too" boy was kinda cute.  Smart guy, made his own sign and got to hang out with a couple hundred women all day.  Did his mama proud.  I found it fun just to run by high-fiving as many people as possible and reading the signs.  Very entertaining, loud, but entertaining!  Totally one of my favorite moments.

After that, the miles kept ticking away peppered by sights I would recognize.  I am a Boston College alum and I recognized the tower peeking out from above the trees with relief...I was getting close!  Then came Heartbreak Hill, which just because it was Heartbreak Hill, I was determined to run and not stop.  Conquered!! It wasn't so bad :)  Soon after that I hit a stretch where things got tough.  The heat finally was taking it's toll.  It was only a matter of time since it's virtually impossible to take in the amount of calories and water that you are expending.  I hit that point around mile 23 or so.  I began the inner battle with the little voice that tells you to stop, that you are stupid for doing this to yourself, that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of life...

I did not stop but instead began looking ahead and running with the goal of making it to the next stoplight.  Luckily, I was on a stretch of road where there were stoplights every couple hundred yards.  The people were still cheering but for whatever reason, there were less hoses, spray guns and no shade!  The heat was brutal along this stretch and a lot of walking was happening (by others of course).  Around mile 24 or 25, I hit a hill that was not tiny but not huge.  Long story short, it was just enough to break me for a moment.  I walked it (sigh).  I maybe walked a total of 2 to 3 min and then rallied and began to run again.  Damn, I was not going to walk anymore!!  As I plodded along (felt like plodding, was probably a 9 min mile at that point) I looked up and joy oh joy, there was the Citgo sign!  If you dont' know the Boston course, the Citgo sign is a huge lighted monstrosity on top of a building that is in Kenmore Square.  That is probably around mile 25 or 25.5.  Woop, woop!  Almost the end!  As I ran through and made the turn onto Hereford Street and up the short hill onto Boylston the crowds were 4 people deep and so LOUD!  It was awesome!  Boylston street is much wider than I remembered, it felt like 4 lanes totally open with just a few runners here and there.  I felt like there weren't many runners around me at that point, that may not be true, I have no idea. 

The finish.... Oh glorious finish!!! Done, done, done.  What a ride!  Can't lie, glad it's over :)  At least I'm still alive! (and I have the jacket).  Oh, and Igot my name in the local paper ;) Fosters article: A sweltering run for locals

Picking up my bib number at the Expo.

My daughter wrote inspirational words to me <3

Post race celebration!

Boston!!!!!

So yes, today I ran the famous Boston Marathon.  This was my first (and what I have also claimed to be my last) time running it.  Yes, I qualified and yes I ran in 88 degree heat in New England in mid-April.  I am excited to write about the experience and share the ups, downs and excitement with you all!  I will NOT be doing that tonight however, I can barely hold my head up!  I am going to gimp my way to bed and dish the juicy details another day.  Thank you to all the wonderful supporters for your words of encouragement and to those of you who were out on the course today.  I didn't see anyone but knowing you were there was enough.  Really :)

Last month I was honored to to be selected to write a guest post for Catherine Gryp, author of the blog Simply Solo. http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/ .  Below is my post and links to the comments and sometimes heated conversation that followed.   ENJOY!!!

http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/simply-solo-spotlight-happiness-defined/

Happy Tuesday! Today’s guest post is written by Halen Gori of Enduramoments, a blog about Halen’s children, endurance training and her transition to a “me” instead of being part of a “we.”

Happiness Defined

What is happiness? Can it be defined, or is it a different feeling for everyone? Happiness is elusive. Happiness is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow … does it exist so you believe, or do you believe therefore it exists? I don’t claim to know for sure, but I know what happiness is NOT.

Let me start at the beginning. That way my journey will make sense to you. This year has been the most difficult of my entire life, and I have kids, so I know difficult! New Year’s Eve, while the rest of the world celebrated, I went to bed early because I didn’t want to give 2011 the satisfaction of even getting a goodbye. I called out a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” and awoke to a new year. Hopefully a new year + a new life = happiness!!

Halen's beloved greyhound Doc who passed away this past August

2011 brought a dump truck load of smelly cow manure crashing down on me. I lost my job, lost my dog, lost a loved friend (luckily not to death) and lost my husband. I shouldn’t say I lost him, because I know where he is. He’s living in our old house with our two young girls. Maybe I should say I gained an ex. Either way, I am no longer married. All in the quest to find happiness. Did I find it? I’m going to make you read the whole post before enlightening you. To do otherwise would just be bad marketing!

I was married for 11 years, but with my ex for 13. I can barely remember last week, so a lot of the memories over the last 13 years are caught in cobwebs in the back of my brain closet. There are a few specific moments that became clear as my ex and I went through couples counseling. At the time, these events were easily explained away. One such memory is very vivid. The second day of our honeymoon, I sat on one of the most beautiful beaches in Hawaii and cried. At the time, I really and truly believed that I was homesick. Wrong answer. I was sad. Sad the wedding party was over, sad that my family all went home, sad because I was supposed to be celebrating something I didn’t feel. I was in Hawaii! Hawaii is for lovers, but I didn’t feel (or act) like a lover. I was a tourist! Room service, champagne, strawberries … NO WAY! I want to go explore!

As the years went by and babies popped out, I felt heavier and heavier. I kept trying to shove away the blanket that was weighing me down. I rationalized to myself that marriage isn’t always great; there are ups and downs and all that crap. Isn’t this what marriage was supposed to be? How the hell would I know? I’ve never been married before! This feeling would come and go, interrupted by events, kids, family. But like bad street food, it kept coming back up.
I finally decided it was time for a change. Hearts were broken (his), fingers were pointed (at me) and even the dog would get upset when we would have an emotional discussion (he hadn’t died yet). We took space for a while to let things settle before deciding on couple’s therapy. I was hopeful. I went to see Crazy A (our therapist’s nickname due to her crazy but completely wonderful, free-spirited personality) and had a goal from the get-go. I wanted to love my husband. Correction, I wanted to be IN LOVE with my wonderful, kind and amazing husband. Weeks and weeks went by; things seemed to improve and I would think, YES!! Then, NO!! Then, maybe?? Am I happy? Possibly. I hope so!

Halen in May 2011 after she ran the Key Bank Vermont City Marathon and succeeded in qualifying for the Boston Marathon

Then things fell apart. All the hard work, talking, exercises … I felt no different. How silly! Crazy A may have been crazy, she may have been a genius, but she wasn’t capable of magic. No therapist can make you, teach you, or convince you to love someone if you just don’t. Once we both realized this and I moved out, I felt that weight gently lift. Slowly but surely, peeking out into the light and blinking from the brightness, was happiness. It showed itself just a little at first and eventually more and more. We became friends. We hung out, me and happiness, BFFs. It’s been a long journey, but happiness comes to stay with me for about two weeks at a time. It disappears every once in a while for a day or so, but always returns. Actually, once a month for about three days, happiness gets bound and gagged and thrown in the basement, but thankfully it doesn’t hold a grudge.

Halen's oldest daughter

How do I know it is happiness I’m feeling? Well, I don’t do drugs, so it’s not that. Things look different through happiness. The sun seems brighter; I notice and smile at little things, like the mom and her toddler in the coffee shop, or a duck sliding around on the frozen pond. Things like hearing a donkey hee-haw in real life or smelling my children’s hair make me feel warm and sunny inside. Getting out of bed and not dreading the day, having the “today just feels like a good day,” feeling seems like happiness.

Halens youngest daughter

Watching my children and really seeing them for the first time, their beauty, their innocence, their distinct personalities and the amazing way they change a little bit every day. I need to touch them constantly. These are all things that went unnoticed or unrecognized before.

Before, I survived, now, I LIVE. I dream big and go for it. I found that rebellious spirit I once had that when told “you can’t do that,” responds with, “watch me.” I am more present in my relationships with people. I care about their lives and do what I can to help. I am finally the friend I’ve always wanted to be, less judgmental and more accepting. I dove into running and a triathlon with new energy. I went back to school to pursue a different degree that would allow my constantly running, creative, full-of-big-ideas machine to get some use.

I still have flaws. I still get sad. I still miss people I don’t see anymore (and of course, the dog). I still have healing to do. If I compare where I am now with where I was two years ago, I think I now know what happiness is and I think it’s here to stay.

How has your journey taught you what true happiness feels like?

Copyright 2012. Simply Solo blog by Catherine Gryp. All Rights Reserved.

Hello Lover...

Ever stop to think about what role running or triathlon or other such sport plays in your life?  For some it is simply a means to stay fit, 30 minutes of torture so cake can be eaten and beers drank.  To some, it's barely a thought once it's over and done for the day. Some do it in groups and enjoy the social aspect more than the run itself.  That is all well and good.  That is NOT me.

Running (and someday triathlon) is part of my identity. If my day does not revolve around it, then I am thinking about it all day...when will I fit it in, how will the weather be, what shoes will I wear, what did my coach say again?  It's not an obsession.  Really.  I say I think about it all day but sometimes those thoughts are, "ugh, I so don't want to do this today". I must admit for someone who runs as regularly as I do, I am a piss poor planner.  Probably because I have no regularity to my schedule so I can say, "oh, I'll just run later".  Today, later never happened.  Of course, other crises reared their heads during the day which needed attention but in the end I missed my run for no real good reason.  Crap. I can't look it in the eye.  I am ashamed and apologetic.

Recently, I got a tattoo on my neck that had to do with running.  People were a bit shocked but I never had a doubt, never once thought twice about it.  Why is that?  Because of the reasons behind why I got it.  Running has been a part of my life for many years.  In the past year or so, it has been the one constant when everything else was in chaos.  It was dependable, loyal and always gave me a little boost afterward.  I never had to doubt that it would come around or that it would feel at least somewhat good.  It was so normal, so mundane and so comforting.  It was exactly what I needed every time.  It kept me distracted from other problems yet focused on the goal.  It made me take time for me, which was so desperately needed.  It let me escape but always brought me home safe and sound.  Sliding on my running shoes had a familiarity that makes me think of being in the arms of someone you trust with all your heart.

Running has a place in my life much like a lover.  I need to give it attention and be fully in the moment when together.  I have to make it a priority over other things, even when I'd rather be doing those other things.  I communicate with my body much like a loved one...I have to listen carefully, intently.  I make sure I understand to the best of my ability what I'm being told and do my best to follow through.  When it feels good, it feels very, very good and I have a great day.  When it feels awful, I am grumpy, defeated, unsure of myself.  Much like a lover, running has the power to lift me up or tear me down.  I am subject to it's whims and fancies, moods and attitudes.  The run is my partner, we work together toward a common goal and if we don't work together we end up at a standstill.  Running makes me feel strong, lively, womanly and sexy.  It does things to my body that I wish I could replicate...my cheeks flush, my muscles

become flexible, I sweat, my heart races and sometimes I wish it would never end.  Of course, there have been times where running comes before everyone else- the kids, the friends and even those of the opposite sex. I wonder what happens when someone challenges the run, wants my undivided attention in a physial way?  That's a challenge that will be interesting.  I wonder what happens when the run gets jealous?  That could get ugly.

So the next time you lace up your shoes, think about what running is to you.  If you're like me, you look it in the eye, give it a wink and play a little Barry White. Let's Get it On.  

A History of Shoes

I had an interesting discussion with my tattoo artist today, did you all know the Nike Huarache is still available?   He was a big fan of that shoe (before Nike added laces) as was I.  I remember that sock-like lining and super lightweight feel.  Unusual for it's time but with all of today's minimalist lightweights, it would blend right in. 

That discussion got me thinking about all the shoes I've loved before...and those I have hated.  I clearly remember my first pair of Asics.  It was high school track season and I had me some spanky new running shoes.  Nevermind that I couldn't pronounce the name!  For reasons that I now understand, I developed horrible shin splints.  I'm not over exaggerating, I had to walk down the halls between classes in my stocking feet so I could just slide... it was bad.  I'm sure it had absolutely NOTHING to do with wearing track spikes and running on a cinder track.  Or maybe it had nothing to do with the fact that I was a sprinter and spent most workouts doing just that. 

Anyway, I was sent to physical therapists and podiatrists.  Did anyone look at my shoes?  Hello...anyone?  Nope.  It was my feet of course!  So, my father had the pleasure of paying for custom orthotics which I wore religiously just as I was told.  Did it help?  I can't really remember.  I DO remember finally seeing a chiropractor who helped align my pelvic bone so that both of my leg lengths were equal.  That made a huge difference.  I know, it's more complicated than that but who gives a shit, this is about shoes.

Basically, throughout my running career, I have tried a great many shoes.  Fallen in love a few times, stayed monogamous for a while and then jumped ship for the latest and greatest.  We've all done that.  I've been through most brands, stability and neutral, extra cushioned and minimalist.   I've learned terms like gel, foam, upper, last, air bubbles and such.  The kicker came when I was hired to work in a speciality running store.  HEAVEN!  For a shoe lover, I had the best of everything.  I could wear a new pair of shoes each day I worked then put them back and pick out something else.  I spent one day in two different shoes because I couldn't decide which one felt better.  I also had lots of cramping in my back and discovered that stability shoes may not be good for me to run in but are amazing to stand in all day.

The best thing about working there though was the amazing amount of information I accumulated.  Through fitting people, studying their feet while they walk, run and stand, trying different shoes on them and myself and having access to foot bed inserts...I came away from that experience with an amazing understanding of the mechanics of the foot and how the shoe helps or hinders that.

Can shoes cause injuries?  I say yes.  Maybe not out-of-commission injuries but naggy, annoying, mild to moderately painful injuries.  Shoes can relieve aches and pains when it is a good match to your foot and running style. 

The biggest lesson I have learned however, is my own.  Remember those orthodics I mentioned?  Well, like a good doobie, I wore them in everything for a while, eventually moving towards only wearing them in my running shoes.  It took a series of pictures during a race to make me sit up and take notice that something wasn't right.  I could see the progression of my stride in those pictures and what I saw, was that I was rolling outwards as my foot came down to impact the ground.  Hmm.  THAT'S interesting.  I am a pronator not a supinator!  I have orthotics to help with that!  It got me thinking...things that make you say hmm.  The other thing that weighed on my mind was the pair of Asics DS Trainers that I loved.  Pretty standard stability shoe.  I discovered that I could only run about 8 miles in them before the outsides of my feet started to bother me.  I wore my orthotics in those too.  At the time, I had been running solely in Asics Gel Nimbus' for probably 2 straight years.  I still have 4 pair in the closet that I need to donate!  So, the Nimbus was my go-to shoe.  It survived 2 marathons with me and the only issue I had was that the tendon on the top of my foot towards the ankle would get very tender because of the way I had to tie them to avoid heel slippage with the orthotics. 

About that time, I was leading a beginner running group sponsored by New Balance.  Part of my compensation was a free pair of shoes.  The redesigned, old school throw back designs were coming back around and New Balance had a new shoe that moved away from the heavy chunky feel.  This shoes was the 890.  An ultra-light, cushioned trainer that can take you from 5k to marathon and everything in between.  Amazing.  I loved it.  I put my orthotics in and I was off!  Now, those race pictures I was referring to?  I was on my second pair of NB 890's and loved them.  They are a neutral shoe, which is what I needed because as a pronator, the orthotic was fixing the pronation therefore allowing me to run in a neutral shoe.  Makes sense right?  I was starting to piece these things together.  I was shocked when I saw the race photos though and started to wonder if I really needed orthotics at all.  If wearing them in a neutral shoe made me roll outwards than theoretically, that would mean I didn't need them.  Of course the wear pattern on the bottom of the shoe just supported that theory.  From the heel to the toe, those shoes were much more worn on the outer edges than down the middle.

It was then that I made the decision that I was going to relearn how to run without orthotics.  I had to start easy and only go short distances once or twice a week.  My calves took the brunt of the discomfor due to using different muscles groups but my feet were virtually pain free.  I also worked very hard to change my stride from heel striking to a midfoot plant.  It has helped a great deal in reducing injuries and increasing overall speed.

I am at the point now, that I do not ever wear my orthotics.  I have run a few half marathons that way and dozens of training runs.  I am pretty much injury free (knock on wood) and continue to see improvements in my running.  I think back to that doctor who told me I needed them and wonder what he would say now.  I still see people who are told to use an orthotic or to stop running.  Hell no!  Let's look at the shoes first.  Finding the right shoe takes time and patience.  The runner has to be honest with the fitter and if something feels off, say so.  The saying goes that if something feels just the smallest bit uncomfortable when trying them on, it will feel very uncomfortable when running. 

Now that my stride is more efficient and midfoot, I have hopped on the minimalist bandwagon.  Not to the extreme but why pay big bucks for technology that I don't use?  I dont' need a shoe with a well cushioned heel, I don't land on my heels.  It's just a fact.  I have gone from New Balance to Brooks and their Pure line.  I like the way I can feel the road, I can feel my feet working the way they are supposed to.  There is such a thing as too much shoe sometimes.  I frequently encountered folks with IT band trouble that were in shoes that were not right for them.  Maybe the shoe wasn't the cause, but I'm sure it was a contributor.  I've tried different types of cushioning, just due to the sheer mileage that I run, I need some cushion.  I've gone from the more natural foot position, or what shoe techies like to call "heel drop" (lower heel drop being closer to the natural state of the foot when standing without shoes), of a lower drop shoe back up to a more standard drop and back down again.  I have a closet full of different shoes to pick from each time I run and I switch it up depending on my mood and the weather or terrain.  Hey, there's no running shoe fetish going on here!

The moral of the story is, if you are unsatisfied with your running, plagued by twinges, nagging issues that don't get better or just general discomfort... start with the shoes.  Go to a specialty running store, tell them you want a full fitting and have them watch you walk without shoes, with shoes and then run with shoes.  Understand the foot mechanics while running.  Look it up.  Know that the function of the arch is to collapse somewhat upon impact with the ground and to spring back up to push you forward.  Is it possible to pronate a little while just standing but not enough to need an orthotic or stability shoe?  Yes.  That would be easy to see if someone watched you run.  I pronate ever so slightly but when I run my natural tendency is to come down just a tad bit to the outside of my foot.  Not a problem, unless you give me support I don't need.  Then I roll out or supinate way more than I should.  Bring your old shoes to the fitting, the ones you were running in not the ones you used to mow the lawn or garden with, so the fitter can really examine the wear pattern on the sole. 

Lastly, try to have an idea of your foot placement when you run.  All of this information can be used to get you into the best shoe for your foot and your running style.  Now, finding one that fits your wallet is a whole different story.  Happy running y'all!

Fuel My Fire

Recently, I have been having trouble motivating myself to get out there and run with purpose.  I'd rather cruise and take in the scenery.  This is not a problem if you're tapering or resting.  It's not really a problem right now but in the next few weeks, if it continues, it could be. 

Apparently, a higher power has heard my concerns and delivered a solution.  ANGER.  Anger can do a lot to motivate you to get out the door and kick some asphalt.  Let me do a little explaining.

I have been through the year from hell.  I will never blame others for any of the mistakes I have made.  I will never fault anyone for having their own opinions.  Opinions are formed from an individual's past experiences, learned behavior and whether another's actions or decisions align or conflict with the individual's values.  Where people get in trouble is when they interpret their opinions as fact and begin communicating that to others.  If the opinion is in conflict with the other person's actions and they choose to be angry, you get judgement and condemnation.  

Sometimes we solicit others' opinions.  Often we do not, yet people feel the need to share them with us anyway.  You know, when you want to respond with something along the lines of "thanks for sharing but I never asked for your opinion and I really don't give a shit."

So what do you do when an opinionated asshole insists on sharing her unsolicited opinion over and over and then takes it to a public forum?  You get angry.  You come up with replies that are scathing and full of profanity. 

You call your best friends and have a conference call about all the evil, devious ways you can get back at her.  You go for a run and punish yourself physically while reminding yourself that she's always been jealous of your physique so why not make it even better.  That just makes you work harder and sweat more.  You dream of putting her self-righteous and obviously insecure words out there for all to see.  You're tempted to throw the whole "drama" card back at her because since you've never actually done anything to her, you cannot be the "cause of all the drama" in her life.  You want to throw out description words like hypocritical, self-serving and passive aggressive because in reality, she has demonstrated all of those qualities.  You want to be the nasty, in your face, let's take it outside, put up your dukes, bitch that only comes out when someone is unnecessarily targeting you or (horror of all horrors) your children.

After you calm down, you remind yourself that you are an adult.  A mature woman who has worked hard to know herself through and through.  You have overcome physical hurdles, conquered the pain of training, losing fair weather friends and discovering wolves in sheep's clothing.  You have let go of those individuals that have not proven themselves to either be true friends or good acquaintances that don't take sides while still being able to enjoy your company.  All others are those who judge based on whatever personal demons they have not yet faced.  Those people create drama in order to take the focus off the issues they refuse to address and disguise their inner pain as anger directed at you.  You decide to not sink to the level of name calling and public embarrassment.   

You are better than that.  You have learned so much, grown exponentially and become a more open, caring, understanding person than you were before.  You realize that inner strength comes not from posturing and talking out of your ass but from listening to her uninvited point of view and understanding it comes from a place of pain and fear.  Whatever past experiences shaped that person's negative view of life and created a dysfunctional coping mechanism which allows her to redirect her anger at those who have wronged her to you, is merely a symptom of her distorted view of love, life and true friendship.

You understand that even though you've tried, you cannot change her biased and inaccurate view of you and people close to you.  You've been kind, tried to be supportive, listened when she vented about problems with her ex and trust issues with men.  Even though you have apologized for things in the past she perceived as hurtful and do not wish her any ill will, she cannot see beyond her obscured view of life and love.  You follow your heart, you maintain your attitude about life and protecting the loving relationships with the important people in your life.



You do what you can to limit communication and interactions of any kind.  You make it clear that you are not interested in any further contact.  If allowing her to think she "won", is what it takes than you allow that to happen.  After all, why bother with the insults and negativity surrounding her when you have your own life to worry about.  A quote comes to mind, "when someone shows you their true self, believe them the first time".  You look back and realize your gut instincts were right all along.

Have faith in yourself, lean on your true friends and those with morals that are similar to your own.  Continue your journey of self-discovery and happiness.  Look at the long road you've traveled and remember when it was hard to put one foot in front of the other but now you are running, flying.   Remember those who inspire you, rely on you and love you for who you are and the big heart you have.  Other people's words only hurt and scar if you let them and you've decided not to let them.  You still have that lioness inside, the inner cave woman that will fight back when threatened but your definition of threat has changed.  You are in control and understand that anothers' mean spirit has more to do with their own self-deficiencies and insecurities than your path in life. 

Remember, a hater is always a hater and any effort on your part to change that equals nothing but a wasted effort. 

Laugh. Love. Live. Run.

Good luck in life Sassy. 

I DO NOT CONSENT

I DO NOT CONSENT. 

Love yourself... lead by example.  Those who insist on dwelling on the past and the negaitve... go ahead. 

You're only wasting your own energy.  It's of no concern to me. 

There is joy in every day...my children's giggles, a dog's wagging tail, each new sunrise and loving supportive friends. 

Words are just that...words.